Last night I had senior circle, and we were talking about how we all were gonna miss each other and how much we valued everyone there. I know you are not part of the theater kids, but I thought of you throughout the night of emotional torture. An odd wave of memories began to flood back to me, starting from when we (truly) met:
Freshman year, algebra class. I was being annoying with my conquest to hang with the "right" people (I was such a friendship thirsty wannabe it wasn't even funny, it was flat out embarrassing), with this certain boy we are going to call "Bobby" for privacy purposes. "Bobby" and I were doing the normal thing: He taunts me all the way to class and I continue to be nice to him because I think he's "teasing." You passed us in and I think you made a smart comment to Bobby. He looked at me and did that thing where he is pretending to talk to me while he directing the comment at you. "LOOK AT HER, WITH HER LITTLE STORIES AND POEMS!"
My freshman brain lit up.
A writer? In my class?
Let the friendship thirstiness begin.
We quickly became such good friends it was startling. The next memory was us deciding to write a story together (which we just started rewriting: YOU GET TO BRING IN SKYYYYY), and then us freaking out our Biology teacher (another teacher we shared) with which of our people we planned on killing. Then that summer when you visited me while I was a counselor at Art Camp.
Sophomore year, I'll admit, was the most god-awful year of our friendship. We can both agree on that. We didn't have any classes together (except our half-hour Packtime Period), and I, being as disgustingly friendship thirsty as ever, began to fill my time with a group of people who helped transform me into this person neither of us knew anymore. I think we may have threatened to end our friendship at one point, and that may be one of my biggest regrets. We were both on this fantastical journey, though we both chose different roads to take. I decided to drop a passion we both loved to stay a thoughtless and annoying teenage girl, while you took the road less traveled and became a published author. The book is fabulous and I am so excited for the sequel (8,000 words left of writing! Yay!). Another one of my regrets is not completely being by your side and taken that road with you. However, the one thing about that year I have no remorse for, is pulling through the rough to save a friendship that is worth it.
That summer, we still continued friendship issues, but it slowly got better. We didn't see each other at all, and maybe that was what made me see how much I loved and missed you. I went through this huge revelation about myself, and this is what I found:
1. I absolutely despise people. Remember when I was desperate for friends? Not anymore. I hate too many people.
2. When you were gone, I missed you. I may not have realized it until later, but I craved your friendship like a person on a diet craves sugar. I would get disappointed when these new friends wouldn't have the same traits as you, and by that I mean they weren't you.
3. That person I was for those people, was not the person I wanted to be. Loud and snobbish me wasn't the quirky and socially awkward me anymore, and I missed being that person.
This year has served as a transitioning period to going back to that girl, and even though I am not completely there yet, I have made remarkable progress with your help. None of that would have been possible without you.
I was oddly surprised when you accepted my apology for that entire year, because even I didn't think I was worthy of a second chance. You agreed to put everything behind us and start over. Throughout this year, we have rekindled and have grown as people. You have put up with my outbursts, and we have both learned how to work around faults. Listening to all the seniors talking, I realized that we have made it so far. Just the day before yesterday showed how well we work together and how much we have grown up.
Over three years, we have survived our ups and downs and have not been able to get rid of each other. Until last night I never fully realized how much I appreciated everything you have ever done and how much I will value this friendship for the rest of my life. A reason I cried last night was because I remembered that and how we still have next year and the rest of our lives to build a bond that is already impossible to break. I remembered how much I needed you a person and how if anything happened to you, I have no idea how I would be able to live with myself. I know I give terrible gifts, and I annoy you with theater all the time, and that my faults are very easily outed, but I am so glad that you see past everything and love me for who I am. You are considered to be one of the most important people in my life and last night, it hit me on how special you really are. I know you think I don't listen, but I really do. SKW, as I am crying as I type this in the middle of the afternoon, I want you to know all of this and that whatever happens whenever, I will be by your side and never let you be alone through anything ever again.
Thank you for being my friend.
Love,
Bailey Grace
P.S. I'm going to mourn your absence the first two weeks of June like YOU DIED. Just thought you should know, Snoopy.
